Passporters

Dear Passporters,
It is great that you not only can attend the wedding, but also I hope you get to do some sightseeing and generally enjoy the whole experience. Wedding gifts seem to come under the question radar no matter where the nuptials take place. Although you are making quite the effort and expenditure to attend, some sort of gift would really be in order. Check the couple's registry. There may be some less costly items they can use if you want to give something that they will use and think of you when they do. It doesn't have to be extravagant and they will understand. If you decide on money, do a multiple of chai (18-life) and put the check in an especially nice card. Bon Voyage!

Dear Minna Rae,
I have a granddaughter who is to become a bat mitzvah during Chanukah. She lives out of town and a "save the date" note was sent to guests living in Chicago. Some of my friends told me (not my daughter) that they were unable to attend the simcha. Should these individuals still be sent an invitation? Also, do you have any suggestions for centerpieces and place cards, as the bat mitzvah party will be held in the synagogue following a mincha service. Your prompt advice would be so greatly appreciated.

Worried Bubbe

Dear Bubbe,
By all means, your granddaughter should send invitations to everyone as she had planned. They told YOU they couldn't come. They will have to tell HER in their response when they receive their invites. It is an honor to receive the invitation, whether they can attend or not.

For your second query about centerpieces-in these difficult times for so many people, baskets of non-perishable foodstuffs would be more than welcome and can be attractively packaged and ready to present to a needy family. Instead of spending money on flowers, this same amount would be put to this better use. Where your granddaughter lives there are Jewish organizations, I am sure, that could distribute the baskets. A note could be placed on each table explaining the destination.

Since we love to eat, have a Jewish holiday sign on each centerpiece instead of a number. The "table cards" could be a food can or foodstuff in colorful wrapping with the guest's name and holiday assignment instead of a number for seating location. The guest could keep this as a favor or donate it if they wish. Perhaps each basket, representing a holiday, could include foods used at that holiday, i.e., for the Chanukah table include candles and boxes of latke mix, for Rosh Hashonah, some apples and a jar of honey can be included with the other foodstuffs. Mazel tov in advance and let me know what you decide and how it goes.

Dear Minna Rae,
Most of my mother's friends are living in other cities or for some reason are not able to come to anything we plan to celebrate her birthday, which is a big one. We still want to do something that could include these friends in some way, even if they can't be with her in person. A few will be here, so there will be a luncheon. How can we accomplish this?

Stranded

Dear Stranded,
With so many relatives and friends in far-flung places, no matter the age, one way to include everyone in a special event is to make an invitation that encourages the guests to participate by sending a page of pictures or stories of something they did together that was fun or memorable. A newspaper format with a page included for the guest to be a "reporter" or a diary format with the guests making entries works well. The pages can be put together with the invite as a cover. Your local Office Max, Office Depot or Kinko's can do this for you.

Feedback: In my last column, I had received a question from a mother in Arizona asking for ideas in handling her son's wedding rehearsal supper in Minnesota. Included in the plans she had already made was a film of her son and his fiance growing up. This led to my suggestion of a film party. She expanded the idea and as she said, "Give her an idea and she runs with it."

Hollywood became the theme and shortly after I received a copy of the invite-a movie ad starring the bride and groom, produced and directed by her, mother of the groom. Some online searching and a party store in the city of the pre-nup party produced a red carpet and even Oscar statuettes among all the other movie props, including clapboards on all the tables. Fake mustaches, reminiscent of old-time matinee idols, were a big hit, especially among the younger children included in the celebration. What a great send-off to a terrific wedding weekend.

Helpful hint: When using an extra cutting board, keep it from sliding around by putting two damp paper towels or a dish towel under it. It will stay put with no knife or slipping accidents.

My Chanukah story-card, "Nine Candles For Rebecca," is available if you contact my e-mail. It includes the story and blessings for the holiday and a blue mailing envelope.

Minna Rae Friedman was a wedding and event coordinator for more than 20 years. Questions can be submitted to her at minnarae@yahoo.com or to Chicago Jewish News, 5301 W. Dempster St., Skokie, IL 60077.